Forwarded Message Follows -------
The European Commission has just
announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the European
Community(EU)- rather than German (the other possibility).
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
of new rules that would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.
The agreed plan is as follows:
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
- In year 1, the soft 'c' would
be replaced by 's'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard 'c' will be replased by 'k'. This should klear up konfusion
and keyboards kan now have one less letter.
- There will be growing publik
enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' is replased by 'f'.
This will reduse "fotograf' by 20%.
- In the 3rd year, publik akseptance
of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that
the horible mes of the silent 'e's in the language is disgrasful, and they
should eliminat them.
- By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv
to lingwistik korektions such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'
(saving mor keyboard spas). During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
- After zis fifz year, ve vil
hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.