Winton's Note: This was passed on by one of our songwriter friends.
I met her [1] [2]. I can still recall [3] she wore. 1. 2. 3. on the highway in September that purple dress in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants on probation all hunched over the stolen goods in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin incognito stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts She was [4] [5]. 4. 5 sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra smellin' kind of funny when she shot me crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu and I knew [6]; [7] I'd [8] forever; 6. 7. 8. no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with her that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mind she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off booze that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sex I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her out they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish" that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate She said to me [9]; But who'd have thought she'd [10] [11]; 9. 10. 11. our love would never die run off with my best friend there was no other guy wind up in my Edsel man wasn't meant to fly boogie on a surfboard that Nixon didn't lie yodel on "The Gong Show" her basset hound was shy sky dive with her dentist that Rolaids made her high turn green on her "WorkMate" she'd have a swiss on rye freak out with a robot she loved my one blue eye blast off with no clothes on her brother's name was Hy make it at her health club she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out in a Maytag that birthdays made her cry bobsled with her guru she couldn't stand my tie grovel while in labor [12] goodbye. 12. You'd think at least that she'd have said I never had the chance to say She told her fat friend Grace to say I now can kiss my credit cards I guess I was too smashed to say I watched her melt away and sobbed She fell beneath the wheels and cried She sent a hired thug to say She freaked out on the lawn and screamed I pushed her off the bridge and waved But that's the way that pygmies say She sealed me in the vault and smirked
